the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
