Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
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Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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