Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
