I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We're too hungover to prance.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
