I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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