I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize