the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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