Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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