Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
