i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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