Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
