One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
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No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
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the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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