ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
