Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize