Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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