i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize