...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
