Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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