Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
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he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
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is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
we're so committed to being not committed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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