YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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