HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
