Dual....:-)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
