that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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