Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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