I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
