I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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