I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
