Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
