there's paper in my vomit.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
A+ Viking dick
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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