theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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