So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
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listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize