Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I look better un-naked...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize