"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.