omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.