So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"