Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit