shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
