she smelled like a LAN party
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
