Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
