So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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