Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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