Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
