be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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