Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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