Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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