Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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