can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Randomize