I think my fart just growled at me.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off