you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.