i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.