You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.