You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.