too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
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I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
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He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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