Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
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peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
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How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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