yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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