Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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