we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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