I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
