A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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